This morning I had the grateful task of trading sobriety chips, trading 26 for 27. Yes, on July 31, 1989 I took my last drink of alcohol and my last drug of choice, and pleaded with God for help. It's a beautiful chip with the red AA triangle in the center, surrounded by gold sparkle and rim. It has flames of fire and reminds me of the fire of covenants.
A dear friend and member of my High Priests Group has purchased the last several chips for me. At first I objected thinking the cost of a chip is certainly affordable and the least I can do as a reminder of the blessings of a sober life. But the added meaning of someone doing such a thoughtful act of service is icing on the cake, and a reminder of blessings unattainable on my own merits. The chip purchased by another is like the recovery wrought out by my Savior in a garden long ago, and gift wrapped and given to me by His grace. My friend who purchased the chip is like a brother to me, and indeed he is my brother.
This year's chip came in a red cloth bag with a pull tie at the top. This morning I took it out, bag and all, and sat it on my lap as the sacrament was being passed. The Spirit prompted me to think of that little bag dyed in red. Gethsemane gets its name from two Hebrew words meaning "oil press." In ancient times olives were put in mesh cloth bags and crushed and ground between two round stones. The precious olive oil would then be squeezed out the tiny holes of the mesh cloth and would fall into a vat. The olive oil was a reddish-brownish color as it was first squeezed out. The red bag caused me to think of my Redeemer, who bled from every pore and trembled in pain to purchase recovery for me (see D&C 19: 18).
Alcoholics all over the world celebrate sobriety with "birthday chips" like mine. But as I partook of the sacrament today and was reduced to tears of gratitude for a loving Savior, I had to wonder how many recovering addicts would be blessed to partake of the emblems of His sacrifice that purchased newness of life for me and countless others.
With tears of gratitude I thought of the numerous blessings of the Gospel abundantly evident in my life. And thought back on that night 27 years ago after a battle with the enemy. Two weeks of AA meetings had not produced a single day of sobriety, nor had I seen such a thing in the seven years prior.
Sobriety seemed like such a long shot for me. Could I dare to dream of a sober life, let alone ask God for such a miracle? Today's Sunday School lesson covered Alma 36-39, and Alma intimately relates to his sons his own recovery experience. He speaks of being "racked with torment" (Alma 36: 12). A rack was an ancient torture device where the wrists and ankles were tied to wheels, which would then be turned in opposite directions, pulling the body both ways.
My addiction was like that. My body only wanted to be numb to escape the emotional pain. Alma wanted to become "extinct both soul and body" so he wouldn't have to feel anything (Alma 36: 15). Like Alma, I had a starved spirit longing for peace and the comfort and joy of the Spirit, but my body only craved alcohol and relief from the pain--a far cry from the exhilarating rush of those early party days when I was eighteen or nineteen.
Like Alma, I only felt exquisite pain and "never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a remission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul" (Alma 38: 8).
I was actually afraid to pray out loud to the god I had invented. I had imagined a stern, punishing god, waiting to zap me at any moment for my terrible crimes against Him. But today, I see my Father as Someone very different.
I could not imagine having a life blessed with His Holy Spirit to comfort, guide, strengthen, and to fill my soul with joy. I could not imagine a sweet wife who would do anything for me (much like my Savior), a sweet daughter, and a wonderful son who tries so hard to do the right thing. I could not imagine the relationship I could have with my mom and dad and family. Nor could I imagine ever having the enlightenment and joy I get from immersing myself in scriptures or pondering on the marvelous works of God.
Like Alma, I wanted to be among the choir of "numberless concourses of angels, in the attitude of singing and praising their God; yea, and my soul did long to be there" (Alma 36: 22).
And then I realized that was what He had wanted to give me for a long time. His patience, mercy and grace overwhelm me. As another friend was explaining earlier today, God really does want everything to work out in the end.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
The Hole of the Pit
One warm summer morning 29 years ago I found myself walking to work on a Saturday morning when I literally stumbled across a building labeled as the "Alano Club." Associating the word club with bar, and not having to be to work for over an hour, I attempted to enter the building for a "couple" of morning drinks to ease the jitters.
I found the door locked but could see two large posters with the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. I stopped long enough to read the Twelve Steps but only three words from Step One made any sense to me. I read the words, "powerless over alcohol." I asked myself if that was truly my lot in life. Am I really powerless? I convinced myself otherwise and finished my walk to work. No, I had not seen a sober day in over five years, but it took another two years of "research" to determine I really was powerless. That meant seven years without a day of sobriety, until July 17, 1989 when I hit rock bottom and drove by the same building about ten minutes before eight on a Monday night, not knowing the Monday Night Beginners' Meeting was beginning in ten minutes.
In the Book of Mormon, Jacob teaches from a selection of Isaiah chapters with an invitation: "Hearken unto me, ye that follow after righteousness" (2 Nephi 8: 1; Isaiah 51: 1). In the next verse a pattern is established, "Look unto Abraham your father, and unto Sarah that bare you." Abraham began his journey describing himself as "having been myself a follower of righteousness, desiring also to be one who possessed great knowledge, and to be a greater follower of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge" (Abraham 1: 2). You get the feel of a cyclical pattern that more righteousness leads to more knowledge, and more knowledge leads to more righteousness. And it cycles upward into the eternities.
But 27 years ago today, as I attended my first AA meeting, I would have been more interested in the sentence sandwiched between the "followers of righteousness" and "Look unto Abraham your father, and unto Sarah that bare you." The message in the middle is "Look unto the rock from whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit from whence ye are digged" (2 Nephi 8: 1).
I was way down deep in the hole of the pit, and escaping looked impossible to say the least. Nor could I perceive future days when I might look to the rock, who was hewn after the Rock. I could never imagine a dear wife who would sacrifice her days, doing her best to make my life happy. Nor could I imagine a son who would be diligent in a service mission, or imagine a daughter awaiting a mission call to serve. I could never imagine the feeling of the Holy Spirit as I read the scriptures or the sweet peace available in the temple of our God. I could not understand any of these things, because I was stuck in the pit.
Usually digging in the dirt is a tedious job, and quite messy. But my Savior was willing to go digging. He must have seen something I could never see. Things harvested from the ground could have potential in time. And jewels hewn out of the Rock could even sparkle with some refining, purifying, and polishing. After all, we are patterned after some pretty good stuff, and in the image of Someone divine. And if He can "make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord," there may be hope for even a self-centered drunk like me (see 2 Nephi 8: 3).
The choice is quite clear. Either I can stay buried in the hole of the pit or I can become one of His jewels, shiny enough to reflect His image at times, and I can be spared (see Malachi 3: 17).
Sunday, July 10, 2016
"We Lived After the Manner of Happiness"
One of the most powerful lessons of the Book of Mormon occurs after Nephi and those who believe the revelations of God depart into the wilderness to the land they call Nephi, named after their king and leader.
Nephi makes a profound comment: "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness" (2 Nephi 5: 27).
What a radical idea! It doesn't say, "We got everything we ever wanted, and so we were happy." Nor does it say, "As good luck would have it, we prospered and were happy." Nephi, as a prophet of God, sees happiness as a recipe for life. It's a lifestyle, or manner of living. You follow the recipe for happiness and you're gonna be happy. Now I'm not so naive to believe this is going to be a bed of roses. This is still the same Nephi who says, "Mine eyes water my pillow by night" (2 Nephi 33: 3). Nephi knows that even hard times can be good times, and the Lord will consecrate his afflictions for his gain (see 2 Nephi 2: 2).
But the astute reader saw this coming a while back. Remember the journey in the wilderness? Nephi was able to see great blessings from the Lord, all according to the recipe for happiness:
“And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness” (1 Nephi 17: 3).
I remember those early days of Twelve Step recovery, as we recited the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: courage to change the things I can: and the wisdom to know the difference." In Alcoholics Anonymous I learned I cannot change other people, places, and things; but I can change me (with God's grace) and certainly I can work on my attitude.
Laman and Lemuel had a recipe for disaster (and unhappiness). The ingredients were something imaginary. They lamented:
"And thou art like unto our father (other people), led away by the foolish imaginations of his heart; yea, he (other people) hath led us out of the land of Jerusalem (places), and we have wandered in the wilderness (places) for these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness (places) and suffered all things (things), save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem (places) than to have suffered these afflictions.
"Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness (places), which time we might have enjoyed our possessions (things) and the land of our inheritance (places); yea, and we might have been happy" (1 Nephi 17: 20-21).
If everyone behaves according to the wishes of Laman and Lemuel, and they have all their material stuff, and the planets align, then they MIGHT be happy. But I'm not betting on it.
So let's examine Nephi's recipe for happiness. The ingredients are listed in Second Nephi chapter 5.
1. Keep the commandments of the Lord in all things (verse 10).
2. Study the plates of brass, or scriptures (verse 12).
3. Work hard (verse 15).
4. Worship the Lord in His holy house (verse 16).
5. Come to church to be taught of the Lord (verse 26).
If our happiness in life is founded upon other people, places, and things, our foundation for happiness is shaky at best, but if our lives are centered in Christ, we can find joy even in difficult times.
Nephi makes a profound comment: "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness" (2 Nephi 5: 27).
What a radical idea! It doesn't say, "We got everything we ever wanted, and so we were happy." Nor does it say, "As good luck would have it, we prospered and were happy." Nephi, as a prophet of God, sees happiness as a recipe for life. It's a lifestyle, or manner of living. You follow the recipe for happiness and you're gonna be happy. Now I'm not so naive to believe this is going to be a bed of roses. This is still the same Nephi who says, "Mine eyes water my pillow by night" (2 Nephi 33: 3). Nephi knows that even hard times can be good times, and the Lord will consecrate his afflictions for his gain (see 2 Nephi 2: 2).
But the astute reader saw this coming a while back. Remember the journey in the wilderness? Nephi was able to see great blessings from the Lord, all according to the recipe for happiness:
“And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness” (1 Nephi 17: 3).
I remember those early days of Twelve Step recovery, as we recited the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: courage to change the things I can: and the wisdom to know the difference." In Alcoholics Anonymous I learned I cannot change other people, places, and things; but I can change me (with God's grace) and certainly I can work on my attitude.
Laman and Lemuel had a recipe for disaster (and unhappiness). The ingredients were something imaginary. They lamented:
"And thou art like unto our father (other people), led away by the foolish imaginations of his heart; yea, he (other people) hath led us out of the land of Jerusalem (places), and we have wandered in the wilderness (places) for these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness (places) and suffered all things (things), save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem (places) than to have suffered these afflictions.
"Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness (places), which time we might have enjoyed our possessions (things) and the land of our inheritance (places); yea, and we might have been happy" (1 Nephi 17: 20-21).
If everyone behaves according to the wishes of Laman and Lemuel, and they have all their material stuff, and the planets align, then they MIGHT be happy. But I'm not betting on it.
So let's examine Nephi's recipe for happiness. The ingredients are listed in Second Nephi chapter 5.
1. Keep the commandments of the Lord in all things (verse 10).
2. Study the plates of brass, or scriptures (verse 12).
3. Work hard (verse 15).
4. Worship the Lord in His holy house (verse 16).
5. Come to church to be taught of the Lord (verse 26).
If our happiness in life is founded upon other people, places, and things, our foundation for happiness is shaky at best, but if our lives are centered in Christ, we can find joy even in difficult times.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Common Themes in Nephi's Psalm
Nephi's psalm in Second Nephi chapter 4 shares many common elements with the Psalms in the Old Testament.
Here a few of the main themes.
Temples and the Gates of Righteousness
Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place?
Lift up your heads, O ye gates; even lift them up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in. (Psalm 24: 3,9)
And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me (2 Nephi 4: 25, 32)
Trusting God
O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed.
O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee. (Psalm 25: 2, 20)
Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. (2 Nephi 4: 19, 34)
Triumph Over Enemies
And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me. (Psalm 27: 6)
My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me. (Psalm 31: 15).
Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? (2 Nephi 4: 31)
He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. (2 Nephi 4: 22).
Plain Path to God
Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. (Psalm 27: 11).
O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road! (2 Nephi 4: 32)
Slackened Strength
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27: 13).
My strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed. (Psalm 31: 10)
Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions. (2 Nephi 4: 29)
Why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? (2 Nephi 4: 26)
He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. (2 Nephi 4: 21)
Voice of Supplication
Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands (Hallel gesture of approach) toward thy holy oracle. (Psalm 28: 2)
Blessed be the Lord, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications (Psalm 28: 6)
My voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me. (2 Nephi 4: 24)
Therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen. (2 Nephi 4: 35)
Overcoming the Waters of Chaos
The Lord sitteth upon the flood; yea, the Lord sitteth King for ever. (Psalm 29: 10)
He hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. (2 Nephi 4: 20)
Singing Praise and Giving Thanks
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever. (Psalm 30: 12)
Praise the Lord with harp: sing unto him with the psaltery and an instrument of ten strings. (Psalm 33: 2)
O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation (2 Nephi 4: 30).
Rock of Salvation
Unto thee will I cry, O Lord my rock. (Psalm 28: 1)
For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me. (Psalm 31: 3)
O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation. (2 Nephi 4: 30)
Yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen. (2 Nephi 4: 35)
I add my own humble testimony of the power of the Book of Mormon.
Here a few of the main themes.
Temples and the Gates of Righteousness
Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? or who shall stand in his holy place?
Lift up your heads, O ye gates; even lift them up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in. (Psalm 24: 3,9)
And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me (2 Nephi 4: 25, 32)
Trusting God
O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed.
O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee. (Psalm 25: 2, 20)
Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. (2 Nephi 4: 19, 34)
Triumph Over Enemies
And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me. (Psalm 27: 6)
My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me. (Psalm 31: 15).
Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? (2 Nephi 4: 31)
He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. (2 Nephi 4: 22).
Plain Path to God
Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. (Psalm 27: 11).
O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road! (2 Nephi 4: 32)
Slackened Strength
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27: 13).
My strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed. (Psalm 31: 10)
Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions. (2 Nephi 4: 29)
Why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? (2 Nephi 4: 26)
He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. (2 Nephi 4: 21)
Voice of Supplication
Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands (Hallel gesture of approach) toward thy holy oracle. (Psalm 28: 2)
Blessed be the Lord, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications (Psalm 28: 6)
My voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me. (2 Nephi 4: 24)
Therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen. (2 Nephi 4: 35)
Overcoming the Waters of Chaos
The Lord sitteth upon the flood; yea, the Lord sitteth King for ever. (Psalm 29: 10)
He hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. (2 Nephi 4: 20)
Singing Praise and Giving Thanks
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever. (Psalm 30: 12)
Praise the Lord with harp: sing unto him with the psaltery and an instrument of ten strings. (Psalm 33: 2)
O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation (2 Nephi 4: 30).
Rock of Salvation
Unto thee will I cry, O Lord my rock. (Psalm 28: 1)
For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me. (Psalm 31: 3)
O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation. (2 Nephi 4: 30)
Yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen. (2 Nephi 4: 35)
I add my own humble testimony of the power of the Book of Mormon.
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