The Lord Paid Earnest Money For You

Three times in Paul's epistles the concept of an earnest inheritance is set forth. The passages are given below:

"Who hath also sealed us, and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts" (2 Corinthians 1: 22).


"Now he that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 5: 5).


"In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,

"Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory" (Ephesians 1: 13-14).


There seem to be some common denominators. There is a sealing power making the promises of ordinances complete. Such sealing power transcends time and place. Jesus said to Peter, "And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven" (Matthew 16: 19).

Thus, ordinances performed on earth becoming binding in heaven, and are of endless duration. Precious promises require obedience and full purpose of heart to make them come to fruition. And so it is the Holy Ghost, who places a stamp of approval, ratifying each ordinance and associated covenant, causing them to be of eternal significance.

All three of these passages mention the role of the Spirit, or Holy Ghost, in the Lord's inheritance planned for you. But how do we endure the mortal and mundane, while keeping hope alive for eternal promises appearing to be so distant in the future? In reality, your "purchased possession" has already been purchased in full--lock, stock, and barrel. 

The word earnest in each of these passages is actually a financial term. I can relate to this, being a banker. In all of the above passages, the word money could be added to earnest. When you buy a house and want to "seal the deal," you do so by paying earnest money to hold the purchased possession. It's like a layaway, or a down payment. Here is a link to the Greek word, translated as earnest in each passage.

I don't know about you, but for me, when I read some of the precious promises, it's impossible to wrap my little finite mind around eternal concepts like these. The Lord promises, 

"And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths . . . and if ye abide in my covenant, . . . it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.

"Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them" (D&C 132: 19-20).

That's a lot to comprehend! So God gives bits and pieces, an earnest deposit here and there, for you and me to glimpse the things of eternity. Maybe you feel an intense outpouring of the Spirit as you attend the temple and everything seems transported to a higher realm, where you actually feel a little heaven on earth. Maybe it's a little tender mercy of the Lord--something you perceive might have gone terribly wrong, and you were spared. Maybe you feel forgiveness in spite of weakness, and felt you were given more than you deserved. Perhaps you feel sorrow at the loss of a loved one, as members of our family are feeling at this time, and yet the Spirit comforts as it whispers those precious promises of reunion and the sweet peace testifying that you will see them again and "God shall wipe away all tears . . . and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away" (Revelation 21: 4).

To keep you and preserve you until that final redemption, God gives a down payment to keep you pressing forward on the path. You taste of His goodness and know there is more--much more, when you are ready to receive the gift, until the final redemption when you receive of His fullness, and of His grace (see D&C 76: 94).

But just like buying a house, there comes a day of settlement. You go to a closing and a HUD-1 Settlement Statement is given showing the full purchase price, minus the down payment or earnest money. In finite, mortal terms, it's easy math, but in eternal measure dealing with infinite terms, like those listed above, it's rather staggering.

The apostle Peter explains the purchasing power:

"Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;

"But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot" (1 Peter 1: 18-19).

All the silver and gold in this world could not purchase you and redeem you, but Jesus Christ can.

The full balance was paid in a garden, and again on a cross. 

The Great Gatherer Receives an Epistle

Sorry, I have been absent for so long. If I am ever asked to give a talk, the hardest, and most time-consuming task is to choose a topic. This, coupled with crazy, busy weekends, have put posts on hold. I'll try to get a couple more out before the end of the year, and resolve to do better next year.

The General Epistle of James connects the current dispensation with the meridian of time. Paul writes to specific cities and geographic areas, such as Corinth, Ephesus, Galatia, Rome, and others. The letters vary in topics according to the needs of church members in those areas.

But James is entirely different. He begins his epistle addressed to the following audience:

"James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting" (James 1:1).

Regarding the target audience, "the twelve tribes . . . scattered abroad," I once heard Joseph McConkie ask the question, "How much postage do you put on that letter?" You better hope (and I'm sure James did) it falls into the hands of a "gatherer." You need someone who can help gather the twelve tribes scattered abroad.

Well, James was in luck, or perhaps was the recipient of divine direction. Centuries later it would fall into the hands of one Joseph Smith. The Book of Mormon makes a big deal about Joseph's name, and rightly so. Lehi has a son named Joseph, who shares the name with Joseph who was sold into Egypt.

This Joseph was named such for a specific purpose. When Joseph was born, his mother Rachel spoke of her new son by saying, "The Lord shall add to me another son" (Genesis 30: 24). The footnote for this verse tells us, "'Joseph' relates both to the Hebrew root yasaph, 'to add,' and to asaph, meaning both 'to take away' and 'to gather.' The context plays upon all of these meanings." Joseph was eventually "taken away" to Egypt where he "added to" the food supply by storing wheat and grains (and I'm sure other preservable food) for seven years to preserve the people against the seven years of famine, which would follow.

Later in Genesis we read, "And Joseph gathered corn (grain) as the sand of the sea, very much, until he left numbering; for it was without number" (Genesis 41: 49). The "sands of the sea" echo the covenant made to Abraham as he was promised, "That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies" (Genesis 22: 17).

Joseph in Egypt gathered wheat to save his family, Israel.

The Book of Mormon tells of Joseph's prophecy (recalled by Lehi) that "his name shall be called after me; and it shall be after the name of his father. And he shall be like unto me; for the thing, which the Lord shall bring forth by his hand, by the power of the Lord shall bring my people unto salvation" (2 Nephi 3: 15).

Joseph Smith Jr., named after his father, Joseph Smith Sr. (which was another miraculous event since Joseph Jr. was the third son), helped to save the house of Israel by gathering them, and by helping to bring forth the process where the wheat would eventually be gathered from the tares (see D&C 86: 7). 

Joseph Smith was instrumental in gathering the keys and dispensations, as recorded in Doctrine and Covenants, section 128, verse 18, which states, 

"For it is necessary in the ushering in of the dispensation of the fulness of times, which dispensation is now beginning to usher in, that a whole and complete and perfect union, and welding together of dispensations, and keys, and powers, and glories should take place, and be revealed from the days of Adam even to the present time. And not only this, but those things which never have been revealed from the foundation of the world, but have been kept hid from the wise and prudent, shall be revealed unto babes and sucklings in this, the dispensation of the fulness of times."

Joseph not only participated in gathering the dispensations, keys, powers, and glories, but new revelations were "added," and keys and powers kept back from the foundation of the world were restored through him. Joseph certainly "added to" and "gathered" the canon of scripture.

Joseph received a vision where he sees his deceased brother Alvin (as well as others, including his parents) in celestial glory. He was surprised as he wrote, 

"I saw Father Adam and Abraham; and my father and my mother; my brother Alvin, that has long since slept;

"And marveled how it was that he had obtained an inheritance in that kingdom, seeing that he had departed this life before the Lord had set his hand to gather Israel the second time, and had not been baptized for the remission of sins" (D&C 137: 5-6).

Going back to the earliest seeds of restoration, as young Joseph, a fourteen-year-old boy, reflected on James, chapter 1, by relating, "Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know" (Joseph Smith History 1: 12).

Of course, the famous passage we quote as Latter-day Saints is verse 5. But I'm betting Joseph started reading in verse 1, and the Spirit touched his heart that there was something special about these verses. At least the first eight verses of James, chapter 1 read as a patriarchal blessing for Joseph. Certainly he was subject to many trials and afflictions. Certainly he learned patience from suffering.

This is another witness of God's work. Surely He can direct an epistle that would change the course of history, and carry it into the heart of one who lived many generations later.

How Much More!

The Apostle Paul uses opposites to emphasize the positive effects of grace and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The emphasis is always on the positive side of the contradiction, often employing the phrase, "much more." This is especially true in the epistle to the Romans, where Paul uses this phrase seven times. The references are listed below:

1.  Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. (Romans 5: 9)

2.  For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. (Romans 5: 10)

3.  But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many. (Romans 5: 15)

4.  For if by one man’s offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ. (Romans 5: 17)

5.  Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound. (Romans 5: 20)

6.  Now if the fall of them be the riches of the world, and the diminishing of them the riches of the Gentiles; how much more their fulness? (Romans 11: 12)

7.  For if thou wert cut out of the olive tree which is wild by nature, and wert grafted contrary to nature into a good olive tree: how much more shall these, which be the natural branches, be grafted into their own olive tree? (Romans 11: 24)


These comparisons of opposites raise questions of contradiction.

1.  How can one causing wrath be saved and justified?

2.  Why would One give His life for an enemy?

3.  When I offend God, why should I be entitled to a free gift?

4.  Can one worthy of death ever be made righteous again?

5.  Do I receive more grace by breaking the law?

6.  How does fallen man receive a fullness?

7.  How does a naturally wild nut like me become a tame, natural fruit, pleasing unto God?


There can only be one answer to all these questions. God knows the "end from the beginning" (Abraham 2: 8). Everyone is sure to get more in the end than he or she deserves. Jesus earnestly desires and is willing to make those who follow Him, "equal in power, and in might, and in dominion" (D&C 76: 95). And the final answer: He loves each of us more than we can comprehend.

It begs the question: "He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?" (Romans 8: 32). What would He ever hold back?

The Stature of Christ

Paul speaks of the organization of the early Christian church and its purposes by saying:

"For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:


Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ" (Ephesians 4: 12-13).

The "body of Christ" is a term with at least two possible meanings. When Paul addresses the Corinthians, he said, "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" (1 Corinthians 3: 16). We often quote this verse in the context of our personal bodies being temples of God, and rightly so. But the word ye in this verse is the plural form in the original Greek. So it would mean the members of the early Christian church constitute a temple of God. A similar meaning and context is found later in the same epistle, as Paul said, "Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular." A previous verse reads, "That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another" (1 Corinthians 12: 25, 27). The context of these verses makes it clear that the body of Christ consists of many members, with each member being important.

In other Pauline writings, the body is clearly singular. He also writes to the same Corinthians saying, "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s" (1 Corinthians 6: 19-20).

Each of us was redeemed, purchased, and ransomed by Jesus Christ and His atoning grace.

So does "the body of Christ" mean our individual bodies, or does it mean the body of the Church and kingdom? Like most scriptural passages, the answer is yes and yes. Both symbolic meanings have application.

The mission of the early church, described by Paul, has three purposes: unity of faith, knowledge of the Son of God, and attaining to the "perfect man" (or woman) "unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ." Unity in the faith can only be achieved as a group, but not the testimony of Christ. While a testimony can be shared, a sure knowledge of God can only come to an individual through the Holy Ghost.

Likewise, the term, "perfect man," speaks to each individual measuring up to the stature of Christ. The scriptural idea is that each individual can stand in the presence of God, being able to abide His glory.

Here are some examples:

"Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness" (Ephesians 6: 11, 13-14).

"Wherefore, stand ye in holy places, and be not moved" (D&C 87: 8).

" . . . Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God" (D&C 121: 45).

If we become like Christ, having His attributes, like charity and virtue described in the verse above, we will one day measure up to His full stature and can stand with confidence in His presence.

The opposite is also true. In the Creation, water represents chaotic element, lacking form. Water does not stand up in the presence of God or anywhere else, except in a couple of cases I can think of, all of them involving the grace of Christ.

When the children of Israel were delivered from Egypt, the house of bondage, the waters of the Red Sea stood up and the "waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left" (Exodus 14: 22). Later, when they entered the promised land (symbolizing exaltation and Celestial glory), "the waters which came down from above stood and rose up upon an heap" (Joshua 3: 16). Again, the children of Israel crossed over the waters into the promised land.

And when the judgments of God are poured out and His sword revealed, "all knees shall be weak as water" (Ezekiel 21: 7).

In the Gospel of John, as Jesus is being arrested at the Garden of Gethsemane, something interesting happens. The chief priests and Pharisees are there to arrest Jesus. Ironically, these chief priests were the temple guards. The Garden of Gethsemane represents the Holy of Holies in the temple. The mercy seat and Ark of the Covenant were in the Holy of Holies. The Hebrew term for mercy seat is kapporeth, and means "place of atonement." Here the only infinite and eternal sacrifice took place. In the Holy of Holies on Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) the Atonement of Christ was prefigured as the high priest would come into the symbolic presence of Jehovah, and would be protected so he might stand in His presence, shielded by a cloud of incense (see Leviticus 16).

Here at the actual garden, as Jehovah made flesh meets the temple guards and chief priests, "they went backward, and fell to the ground" (John 18: 6). They cannot stand in His presence.

I used to wonder as I read the Book of Mormon why it was such a big deal to be "large in stature." Nephi said, "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father" (1 Nephi 2: 16).

I started writing this post last Sunday, meant to finish it during the week, and never found time. I ended up writing most of this between the two conference sessions today. I think the real meaning of this idea came out in conference twice today. Each of us can measure up to the full stature of Christ as we allow His Atonement to heal, cleanse, sanctify us, and in time, allow us to become perfect in Him.  

Seeking His Righteousness

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus taught concerning righteousness and how to obtain it. He said, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6: 33). It is not our own righteousness that will save us or bring us to Christ, rather His righteousness which lives inside us.

The scriptures are full of examples. The Pauline epistles emphasize this repeatedly.

Paul uses the symbolism of baptism and the concept that we are buried with Jesus unto His death that we may have new life in Him. In Romans he teaches, 

"Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?

Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection" (Romans 6: 3-5).

We are not only baptized unto a new life, but the promise of a glorious resurrection is also implicit. It's wonderful and comforting to gain a testimony of the resurrection, but the promises do not end here. We are promised the same kind of resurrection as the Savior's with the same degree of glory, if we abide the law pertaining to that kingdom (see D&C 88: 20-24).

Paul puts a different twist on this idea in an epistle to the Corinthians as he explains, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2 Corinthians 5: 17).

In Galatians Paul speaks of "putting on Christ." It's the other half of the Book of Mormon concept taught by King Benjamin as he quotes an angelic messenger. It speaks of "putting off the natural man" (see Mosiah 3: 19). It is meaningful that the process of "becoming a saint," expounded in the same verse, is accomplished through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In Galatians it says, "For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ" (Galatians 3: 27).

The idea of "putting on Christ" has an interesting Greek origin. The words "put on" come from the Greek word enduo, where we get the English word endowment. It means to sink into clothing, and in this case, it's sacred clothing. Closely related is the Old Testament Hebrew concept of the word Atonement originating from the Hebrew word kaphar, meaning to coat or cover. I have provided links below for both of these words.

Click here for kaphar (Atonement)

Click here for enduo (put on or clothe) 

Really, it's almost like changing clothes. We take off the clothes of the natural man (or woman) and put on Christ. But the process and ordinances of becoming properly clothed are not merely for outward appearances, but are there to effect an inward change. Paul said, "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me" (Galations 2: 20).

It's a change that works from the inside out and goes down deep into the heart. This thorough changing both inside and outward is represented in one of the last verses of Galatians:

"For I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus" (Galatians 6: 17).

In the end, it's not my own righteousness that will save me or change me for the better. Lehi teaches this clearly to his son, Jacob, who was a great Book of Mormon prophet. Clearly, he was a righteous man. But notice what Lehi said to him: 

"Wherefore, thy soul shall be blessed, and thou shalt dwell safely with thy brother, Nephi; and thy days shall be spent in the service of thy God. Wherefore, I know that thou art redeemed, because of the righteousness of thy Redeemer; for thou hast beheld that in the fulness of time he cometh to bring salvation unto men" (2 Nephi 2: 3).

As righteous as Jacob was, his own father recognized that his redemption came not from Jacob's righteousness, but from the Savior's righteousness. 

For me, it's a matter of "letting go and letting God."

"Stand Fast in the Liberty"

As I read Paul's epistles there is this battle between grace and works. As a recovering addict, it seems I am always preaching grace. I know I'm alive today because of grace and would be dead if it were totally up to my own works. But in my personal life, the battle continues. While it is good to contemplate upon improvement and the works I can perform better and purging the contemptible from my life, it is also not profitable to beat myself up over those things not yet perfected. It injures my ego to realize my works will never be good enough to make it--at least in mortality.

I get hung up on concepts like my program or my sobriety. And really, I did nothing to merit any of it, rather it comes as a gift of grace from God. And to experience that divine presence and the sweet peace that comes from the Spirit, and that pure love from God, I have to be willing to go out on the field, play the game of life, and then fall down in the mud and muck and get a little dirty. Then I have to return to Him and beg for forgiveness and have faith and hope in His redeeming power to heal and cleanse.

So one of my favorite Pauline epistles is to the Galatians. For a little background, under the Law of Moses there were the "outward performances" (see Alma 25: 15) and the daily reminders. One of the best reminders was what became the prayer shawl, or tallit. The Lord gave a commandment to sew fringes in the borders of the garment as a reminder of the commandments. He said:

"Speak unto the children of Israel, and bid them that they make them fringes in the borders of their garments throughout their generations, and that they put upon the fringe of the borders a ribband of blue:

"And it shall be unto you for a fringe, that ye may look upon it, and remember all the commandments of the Lord, and do them; and that ye seek not after your own heart and your own eyes, after which ye use to go a whoring:

"That ye may remember, and do all my commandments, and be holy unto your God" (Numbers 15: 38-40).

And as a reminder to do ALL of the commandments, the fringes were tied in a prescribed manner. The Hebrew word for fringes is tzitzit. Now you have to understand that each letter in the Hebrew alphabet has a numeric value. So the numeric value of  tzitzit is 600. Each of the fringes contained 8 threads and 5 knots. So you get a nice mathematical equation:

                                                 600 + 8 + 5 = 613

And the number 613 happens to equal the number of commandments contained in the Torah (or Law of Moses). By the way, 248 were positive (things you should do) and 365 were negative (things you should not do).

Then I can imagine Jehovah just sitting back and waiting for the results. Do you think He keeps a tally? If you're an ancient Israelite the odds are not with you!

Now in the Book of Mormon, both Lehi and Nephi see concourses of people en route to the tree of life, in hopes to partake of the fruit, which is the love of God. Interestingly, as they approach the tree to partake, there is a strange phenomena. Nephi, in recording the words of his father, says, " . . . And they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree" (1 Nephi 8: 30). As they approached the tree, they fell down. Now I know part of this is to portray the idea of worship, as the tree represents Christ and His love, and also the love of the Father in sending His Only Begotten Son. But the idea of falling down also conveys falling down in the dirt and trying to get back on your feet. Have you ever tried to pick fruit in the prostrate position? If we find ourselves falling down, we must reach upward and take hold of His hand. It is then that we experience the love and grace of God.

Paul explains, "For I testify again to every man that is circumcised, that he is a debtor to do the whole law" (Galatians 5: 3). In every Pauline epistle, when you see the word circumcision it refers to one who clings to the Law of Moses and expects salvation to come thereby. 

So what is Paul saying? To paraphrase he is saying, "Hey look, if you expect the Law of Moses to save you, then you need to adhere to all 613 commandments perfectly. You are a debtor to 'do the whole law.'" You would have to make a checkoff list of all 248 "thou shalts" and all 365 "thou shalt nots." Then as you retire to bed, go over the whole list and make sure you didn't violate any of the negative commandments or forget to do one of the positive commandments.

Besides the fact that this is a recipe for failure, if we do this, we have left Christ out of our lives, and we don't get to eat of the fruit of the tree of life and experience His love. Paul goes on to say, "Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace" (Galatians 5: 4).

It is by trying to do His will, falling down, getting up again, and reaching upward and outward to Him that we feel of His grace, love, and power. It is then that we feel and come to know the "fruits of the Spirit," which are "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith" (see Galatians 5: 22).

The Truth in Rock and Roll

Almost every Saturday I go for a long walk. I have a traditional four-mile route circling around Springville. Equipped with my iPod, I can take in the beauties of nature while listening to my favorite music. If you know me, I'm a musical fanatic. With over 2,000 songs on my iPod, I put it on shuffle and enjoy whatever comes up. Sometimes I think I get a little help from above with tailor-made messages especially for me!

Last Saturday I began with prayer before my walk. Sometimes I get down on myself and want to cry out like Nephi, "O wretched man that I am!" (2 Nephi 4: 17). Impatience is high on my list of character defects and impatience with self is a major stumbling block. I cried out, "Why do I keep struggling with the same issues?"

Then I put on the headphones and started walking. Almost out of nowhere came a thought of a verse of scripture. The verse goes like this:

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known" (1 Corinthians 13: 12). 

I used to think the word glass meant something like looking through a glass window. But what are we looking at? When I learned of the origin of this word it gave me new insight into what Paul is speaking of. The word glass is translated from the Greek word esoptron, and it actually means "mirror." Here is a link to the original Greek word.

Could Paul be speaking of how we view ourselves? And how does this view affect our perception of others?

There is a related verse speaking of celestial glory. "They who dwell in his presence are the church of the Firstborn; and they see as they are seen, and know as they are known, having received of his fulness and of his grace" (D&C 76: 94). Can you imagine seeing yourself as the Lord sees you?

I thought of another verse: "My name is Jehovah, and I know the end from the beginning; therefore my hand shall be over thee" (Abraham 2: 8). Do you see it? He sees you as the finished, polished, refined product. He sees you as you can and will become.

Before the thought could flee away, a new song started. I listened to the lyrics. You will probably recognize this one:

"There's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside 'cause you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you."

Okay, if you're a rock 'n roll purist, you will recognize this isn't a rock 'n roll classic, but rather a sappy ballad, but it has a nice melody and it was good enough to inspire me on Saturday morning.

But the next song was a rock 'n roll classic. I'll let you figure out the songs and artists. It goes like this:

"Deal me up another future
From some brand new deck of cards
Take the chip off of my shoulder
Smooth out all the lines
Take me out among the rustling pines
Till it shines."

Take the chip off my shoulders, let me not feel sorry for myself. Let go and let God. But like Neal A Maxwell once said, "We tremble at the tuition." (For what it takes to be refined  . . . 'til it shines.)

I thought of a verse of scripture that goes like this:

"And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness" (Malachi 3: 3).

Jesus watches the silver (you and me) as it's being refined. If it doesn't stay in the fire long enough, it has no strength or character. If is stays in too long, it can be destroyed. He watches until He sees His own reflection in the shiny metal. "Til it shines."

I walked through Brookside and approached Springville High School, my alma mater. The sign says, "Home of the Red Devils." Interestingly, the song I was listening to (on random shuffle) had some lyrics about the devil:

"Do as they tell you to
Don't want the devil to
Come and put out your eyes

And it's always up to you, if you want to be that

Want to see that, want to see it that way"

Then I thought of another verse of scripture: "And the mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads, that they perish and are lost" (1 Nephi 12: 17).

Then I realized who it is, who wants me to see myself obscurely through the mirror.

Blood, Water, and Spirit Nourish the Tree of Life

The interplay of blood, water, and Spirit in the Gospel of John provides a background for the culmination of the Savior's ministry and His Atonement.

In chapter two, Jesus performs His first recorded miracle, and the Greek word for miracle in John is always semeion. It means a sign, mark, or token to identify who the Lord really is. The first recorded miracle is the changing of water into wine. The water would represent spirit, godliness, and divinity. The wine would represent blood. It becomes a testimony of the mission of the Incarnate Son. It is Jehovah, God of the Old Testament, coming down as Jesus Christ. Or, as John describes in the first chapter, "the Word was made flesh," as Jesus takes upon Himself a mortal body of flesh and blood (see John 1: 14). 

In chapter three water and spirit are combined again. Jesus teaches Nicodemus, "Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God" (John 3: 5). Water and spirit here are associated with rebirth. In verse 8, wind is compared to spirit and spiritual rebirth. In fact, the word wind and the word Spirit are both translated from the Greek word pneuma, meaning wind, breath, or spirit. Again, wind and water are both associated with birth and new life.

In chapter four, Jesus meets a woman of Samaria and offers her (and us) "living water" (see John 4: 10). In chapter five He heals an invalid by a pool of water, and the moving of the water echoes the creation scene in Genesis, where "the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters" (Genesis 1: 2).

In the Book of Mormon, Nephi compares the tree of life to living water. Both represent the love of God. Nephi said, "And it came to pass that I beheld that the rod of iron, which my father had seen, was the word of God, which led to the fountain of living waters, or to the tree of life; which waters are a representation of the love of God; and I also beheld that the tree of life was a representation of the love of God" (1 Nephi 11: 25).

In the Book of Moses, blood, water, and Spirit come together as symbols of birth and rebirth. After Adam is baptized he is "quickened (or made alive) in the inner man." This demonstrates the relationship between newness of life, eternal life, and covenants. Through the making and keeping of covenants and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ spiritual death and physical death are overcome.

The Lord said, "That by reason of transgression cometh the fall, which fall bringeth death, and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory;

"For by the water ye keep the commandment; by the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified" (Moses 6: 59-60, 65).

In the Gospel of John, the Roman soldiers come to break the legs of the three being crucified. They did this because the next day was the Feast of Unleavened Bread and it was also a Sabbath. Under the Law of Moses, anyone worthy of death by crucifixion should "not remain all night upon the tree." The commandment was that he should be buried that day; "for he that is hanged is accursed of God" and this would defile the land (see Deuteronomy 21: 23). Crucifixion caused death by suffocation, since the head would hang down and the position of the body would put pressure on the diaphragm. The only way to stay alive would be to push with the legs to lift the body into a more upright position. But Jesus was dead already, so the soldiers did not break His legs as they did the other two.

One of the soldiers pierced the side of Jesus with a spear "and forthwith came there out blood and water" (John 19: 34). It is significant that He was pierced in the side. The Greek word for side is pleara, and it's the same word used in the Greek Septuagint translation of "rib" in the Old Testament when the Lord takes a rib from Adam to create new life. Eve's name means life or living. Thus, out of Jesus' side (or rib) comes new life.

As Jesus surrenders His life for us, His Spirit leaves His body. Blood and water also come out of His body. Thus, blood, water, and spirit leave His body to transform a wooden cross--an instrument of death--into a tree of life.

Only through His supreme love can we gain access to that life which is eternal.

"In Remembrance of His Grace"

Friday July 31 marked 26 years since my last drink or drug. Today at church we sang a special sacrament hymn, "'Tis Sweet to Sing the Matchless Love." It had profound meaning for me, a recovering alcoholic and addict. Verse three expresses deep personal feeling.

"Oh, blessed hour! communion sweet!

When children, friends, and teachers meet

And, in remembrance of his grace,

Unite in sweetest songs of praise.

For Jesus died on Calvary,

That all thru him might ransomed be.

Then sing hosannas to his name;

Let heav'n and earth his love proclaim" (Hymns, # 177)

How true this is, and how beautiful!

As I reflect on the journey these last 26 years, I know recovery began with my family. The day before my first AA meeting, I sat in a lawn chair in my mom and dad's back patio, there with all my extended family as we celebrated my sister's birthday. I knew academically they all loved me and cared about me, though I created difficult problems for them. They loved and worried. But I could feel nothing. I was numb, beyond much feeling. It was like there was a brick wall around me, and I felt somewhat isolated. Let me make it clear. This was not their fault. 

I left the party to drink myself into oblivion, and the next day when I regained consciousness, I had what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls a "moment of clarity." I knew this would not get better--only worse.

That night I found myself at my first AA meeting. As the awful feeling of doom would not go away, I headed for home, only to pass the Alano Club, a place I had passed by on foot two years previously. On a summer morning in 1987 while walking to work, I was interested in the word "club," and mistaking this to be a bar, I ventured inside only to find the door locked. There was just enough early sunlight to read the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Only three words made any sense. In Step One there is the phrase, "powerless over alcohol." 

I had done two more years of "research" to prove I wasn't an alcoholic. I could simply quit with willpower. I managed to rack up seven years without a single sober day. And on that night just over 26 years ago, I remembered those three words, "powerless over alcohol," and finally knew I was there. I was totally powerless.

I went to meetings everyday, but still could not stay sober between meetings. After my third Monday Night Beginners' Meeting on July 31, 1989, and after being embarrassed by the the chairperson, who announced her excitement of being able to give me a 30-day chip in two weeks, and knowing I didn't have any sobriety at all, I went home discouraged and on the brink of giving up.

After an hour-long battle with "the father of all lies," (2 Nephi 2: 18) I pleaded with my Heavenly Father for a single sober day, with the plea, "Please help me. I'm beat and can't do it." The peace beyond my ability to understand was just a taste of blessings and miracles that would happen over the next 26 years.

As I said, recovery began with my family. And it's fitting and meaningful that on this 26th birthday celebration, I was privileged to spend it with my family in the mountains. The same cast of characters were there with a few new faces. My dear wife was there--a woman I thought would never be by my side. And there were two choice children--a son and daughter, both more wonderful than I could explain--wonderful souls who I thought could never be part of this wreckage that was once my life--indeed more precious than I would ever deserve.

In the midst of the fun and good times to be had in the hills, I took the opportunity to retreat to what a good friend calls, "God's country" to find a secluded spot for prayer and pondering. This prayer was considerably different from the desperate plea 26 years ago. It was a special feeling of immense gratitude for another chance at life and another chance at love.

And the return to camp was like coming home, but it felt different too. This time, instead of merely knowing in my head, I could feel love and it goes both ways culminating in a sublime appreciation of being part of an incredible family that few people ever get to experience.

So, like the song, "in remembrance of His grace, unite in sweetest songs of praise" for the gift of sobriety.

"The God of Jacob, Yieldeth Himself . . . as a Man"

The Synoptic Gospels provide the details of Jesus' atoning sacrifice. But the Book of Mormon provides a clearer perspective and added details of our Savior's sacrifice.

In Mark's Gospel no time is wasted in getting right to the miracles. Twenty-two verses into his Gospel we find Jesus teaching in the synagogue and His audience is "astonished at his doctrine" (Mark 1: 22). But Mark isn't gonna tell you anything Jesus taught (unlike Matthew) because there's a man in the synagogue with an unclean spirit. The battle is on with the unclean spirit crying out, "Let us alone; what have we to do with thee, thou Jesus of Nazareth? art thou come to destroy us?" (v. 24). And what makes this miracle even better, it represents a direct confrontation with Satan.

In Mark the word miracle comes from the Greek word dynamis, the root of our English word dynamite or dynamic. It is a sheer demonstration of power. Here is a link to the original Greek word. If you look at the references you can see it never appears in John, who uses a different word for miracles. In every case in John it's sēmeion, meaning sign, mark, or token. There are seven distinct miracles in John, each with the purpose of pointing to a Messianic role, as an identifying marker.

However, when Jesus makes His final journey to Jerusalem and the Atonement unfolds, everything changes in Mark. Jesus "yields Himself as a man" (1 Nephi 19: 10). In Mark He enters Gethsemane " sore amazed," and "very heavy" (Mark 14: 33). In the Greek sore amazed means "struck with terror." With echoes of a whimpering child Jesus pleads in the familial case, "Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt" (Mark 14: 36). This form of addressing the Father is akin to "dad, daddy, or poppa." 

Jesus, who once cursed the fig tree, becomes the One being cursed. A tenant of the Law of Moses acclaimed, "For he that is hanged is accursed of God" (Deuteronomy 21: 23). Speaking of this, Paul said, "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree" (Galatians 3:13).

And Jesus, the source of "living water" cries out on the cross, "I thirst" (see John 4: 10; 19: 28). As a recovering alcoholic, I am so grateful that Jesus knows from my perspective what it's like to get thirsty.

As Elder Holland once said, “It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.” (Conference, April 2009).

In the Book of Mormon, Alma speaks of the infinite Atonement. Jesus would not only take upon Himself our sins, as awful as that is, but also our pains, sicknesses, and infirmities. One of my favorite verses states,

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities" (Alma 7: 11-12).

Examining the Paschal Lamb

During the last week of our Savior's life there was significant preparation for Passover. The Lord Himself emphasized this event in the Gospel of Luke, where He says, "With desire I have desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer" (Luke 22: 15). 

The events are described in Exodus chapter 12 and speak of the preparation necessary.

"In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house . . . And ye shall keep it up until the fourteenth day of the same month: and the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it in the evening" (Exodus 12: 3,6).

So what happened between Nisan (the first month) 10th and 14th?

Extensive care was taken to examine the paschal lambs to make sure they were the very best and free from all blemishes.

Ray Watson makes an interesting observation:

"1 Corinthians 5:7 states that Christ is our Passover lamb, and was sacrificed for us. It is likely that Jesus, as the Passover lamb, was being crucified at roughly the same time as the Passover lambs were being slain in the temple. 
The Passover lamb had to be without blemish. Before it could be was slain, it had first to be examined and approved by the temple priests. It was examined for four days, from the tenth day of the first month to the fourteenth day of the first month, after which it was offered. I don’t know all the details of what was involved in examining the lamb, but you can be sure if it took 4 days it was a pretty stringent examination. The spiritual significance of this, is that Jesus – as our Passover Lamb – was examined on our behalf, and we don’t have to undergo that stringent examination. There is a passage of scripture (1Corinthians 11) which makes reference to a man examining himself during the Lord’s Supper to see if he is worthy. But this is often misapplied and removed from the context in which it was given. (Refer to the notes on "Breaking Bread & The Lords Supper" associated with a communion song I wrote that relates to this issue.) 

Here is a link to the full article.


Notice how the temple priests in the above quote would examine the paschal lambs during Passover week. Also notice how the lambs were being slain in the temple at the same hour as Jesus yielded His mortal body. All three Synoptic Gospels report the voluntary death of the Savior as being at the "ninth hour," or 3:00 in the afternoon. Josephus reports this to be the same time as the paschal lambs being slain.

But getting back to these temple priests, notice how they examine the Lamb of God probably three to four days before the Crucifixion.

As Jesus comes to the temple before Passover he is thoroughly examined. Matthew records, 

"And when he was come into the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came unto him as he was teaching, and said, By what authority doest thou these things? and who gave thee this authority?" (Matthew 21: 23).

Jesus turns the table on them by asking them a question they refuse to answer. He says He will not answer the question, because they didn't answer His, but then indirectly gives the answer in the parable of the two sons. By the way, Jesus is that first Son who sacrificed His own will in favor of His Father's. The other son was Lucifer.

But the temple priests and Pharisees are not finished. They examine Him and cross-examine Him with more questions. In the next chapter they ask, "Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Cæsar, or not?" 

By their own zeal to entrap Jesus they are actually, in a back-handed way, testifying of the reality of His Messianic role, and fulfilling Old Testament typology that He is in fact the true Lamb of God. 

The Triumphal Entry

During the final week of the Savior's mortal ministry He makes His triumphal entry into Jerusalem. John's Gospel records:  "And Jesus, when he had found a young ass, sat thereon; as it is written, Fear not, daughter of Sion: behold, thy King cometh, sitting on an ass’s colt" (John 12: 14-15).  

Jesus followed a pattern established in the Old Testament by riding a donkey. Solomon rode upon king David's mule to the Gihon Spring, where Zadok the priest took a horn of oil from the tabernacle and anointed the new king. The trumpets were sounded and the people chanted, "God save king Solomon" (see 1 Kings 1: 38-39). Jesus enters Jerusalem in like fashion as the Davidic king and Messiah, which means "anointed One." Kings in Israel usually rode on a mule. Of course, this was prophesied in Zechariah:

"Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion; shout, O daughter of Jerusalem: behold, thy King cometh unto thee: he is just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass" (Zechariah 9: 9). The donkey was also a symbol of peace. Someone riding a mule would not be a threat to Roman authorities.

The Savior triumphed over death and hell. He overcame physical death and spiritual death. As He made His way into the city gates, the people "took branches of palm trees, and went forth to meet him, and cried, Hosanna: Blessed is the King of Israel that cometh in the name of the Lord" (John 12: 13).

The Israelites, similar to the days of Solomon, are calling upon their King to save them. Thus they shout "hosanna," which means "save now."

The palm branches become symbolic of victory, as Jesus grants us victory over death and hell. Palm Sunday is still celebrated the Sunday before Easter.

One such Palm Sunday occurred on March 27,1836 as the Kirtland Temple was dedicated. One of the petitions of the dedicatory prayer is, "And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them" (D&C 109: 22).

Temple ordinances empower us and help us to be victorious over Satan. We can have angels come to our aid as we battle the enemy.

Another promise of the temple, related to Palm Sunday, is contained in this prayer, which petitions, 

"That our garments may be pure, that we may be clothed upon with robes of righteousness, with palms in our hands, and crowns of glory upon our heads, and reap eternal joy for all our sufferings" (D&C 109: 76).

"Buried in the Water in His Name"

Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon experienced a series of visions recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 76, and commonly referred to as "The Vision." Among other things they saw the Father and the Son and bear testimony to the world of the living reality of the Son of God.

They also bear witness of the resurrection of the just. And it was upon the subject of the resurrection as recorded in the Gospel of John that prompted this vision.  They speak of the resurrection of the just using the following language:

"And again we bear record—for we saw and heard, and this is the testimony of the gospel of Christ concerning them who shall come forth in the resurrection of the just—

They are they who received the testimony of Jesus, and believed on his name and were baptized after the manner of his burial, being buried in the water in his name, and this according to the commandment which he has given—

That by keeping the commandments they might be washed and cleansed from all their sins, and receive the Holy Spirit by the laying on of the hands of him who is ordained and sealed unto this power;

And who overcome by faith, and are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true" (D&C 76: 50-53).


Today, I took my normal Saturday walk. And needing a restroom and finding the one at a local grocery store locked, I proceeded on my walk. I soon encountered a stake center near my walking route and seeing cars parked outside and realizing it is the first Saturday of the month, I knew baptisms would be going on and the doors would be open.

Sporting casual pants and a tee shirt and equipped with headphones covered with a stocking cap to mitigate the noise of the wind, I entered the building and probably looked more like a vagabond than a saint. It wasn't my intention, but I garnered some puzzled stares while a sacred ordinance was taking place.

A brother, who was probably listening to the Spirit, gave me directions to the restroom without my asking. I passed by the baptismal font, and it was apparent that someone had just received that sacred ordinance, being buried with Jesus in those holy, special, and cleansing waters.

I cannot witness a baptism without thinking of the beautiful doctrine illustrated by Paul, as he describes, "Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?  Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life" (Romans 6: 3-4).

What makes baptism so special? Is it the words of the baptismal prayer and other prayers recited verbatim? We know we take His name upon us, and it is renewed each time we partake of the sacrament. But like other ordinances, it becomes most endearing and sweet as those special words become written in the heart as ordinances are "sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise." We can walk with others in "newness of life" and become living examples, or Paul would say, living epistles, as the gospel law is "written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart" (2 Corinthians 3: 3).

As I walked down the halls of this church, I heard the beautiful singing of children, as their chorus proclaimed, "I'm trying to be like Jesus." I can't describe how good it sounded--how good it feels.

As a recovering addict, still trying to recover from addictions, I've tried the walk with Him and without Him. Walking with Him yields newness of life, newness of Spirit, newness of hopes, newness of His grace, and newness of dreams.

What a great day to walk with Him.

The Prostitute Fig Tree

At the risk of having my blog blocked as an inappropriate site, I chose this title which fits one of Dictionary.com's definitions of prostitute, defined as "to put to any base or unworthy use."
  
The scriptures speak of an event in the life of the Savior as He enters Jerusalem and encounters a certain fig tree. The verses read:

"Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.

And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.

 And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!" (Matthew 21: 18-20).


There are several interesting doctrines springing forth from the Savior's comments on this poor fig tree.

The Bible Dictionary tells us that fig trees develop differently from other trees. "The tree is one of the earliest to show its fruitbuds, which appear before the leaves; thus a fig tree with leaves would be expected to also have fruit. Jesus’ cursing the fig tree for its fruitlessness (Mark 11:12–13, 20–23) was an allusion to the fruitlessness of Israel. The time when the leaves appear indicates that summer is 'nigh at hand.'" 

Fig trees, and particularly fig leaves, wherever you see them, symbolize fruitfulness. Adam and Eve were given the commandment to "be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28). After Adam and Eve partook of the forbidden fruit, "they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons" (Genesis 3: 7). This was to serve as a covering, but also it represented God's will that they be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. Fruitfulness also applies to good works. 

The hapless fig tree produced neither fruit, and thus becomes cursed and cut off to those eternal blessings. Of course this is purely symbolic. The fig tree obviously is not capable of transgressing any law. But this innocent fig tree becomes a counterfeit, immoral, prostitute tree as it imitates the sacred reproductive act merely by displaying leaves, but in reality nothing is produced. 

Jesus desires to be in the everyday details of our lives. He wants nothing more than to make life fruitful, rich, and rewarding. In modern times He has quoted from His own Olivet Discourse. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read, 

"And when the light shall begin to break forth, it shall be with them like unto a parable which I will show you—

 Ye look and behold the fig trees, and ye see them with your eyes, and ye say when they begin to shoot forth, and their leaves are yet tender, that summer is now nigh at hand" (D&C 45: 36-37). 

The light breaking forth is the restoration of His gospel. He invites us to take full advantage of it and reap great harvests before the summer is ended. Tomorrow begins the summer months and marks an opportunity to be grateful for bounteous blessings.  "The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days" (D&C 64: 34).
    

Half Measures and the Prodigal Son

I vividly remember the early days of recovery, especially the first couple of weeks. At the beginning of each AA meeting, we would read from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous a portion of chapter 5 entitled "How It Works." We would read that "half measures availed us nothing." And I heard people say, "God is everything or He's nothing."

In the early days surrender seemed impossible. I reread Step Three in the AA version: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." I had a hunch of what God might require from me, and I certainly did not want to turn over my entire will and my whole life just to get sober from alcohol.

Now I can't get the Prodigal Son off my mind. He has what the Big Book describes as a "moment of clarity," or in the scriptural version, "He came to himself" (Luke 15: 17). But the idea of returning to his Father with "full purpose of heart," as a spiritually begotten son, not only seems difficult, but perhaps impossible (see 3 Nephi 18: 32). 

I began to plan out what I could do to graduate from AA and learn to control and manage my drinking. Perhaps I could be like the Prodigal Son and graduate from slave to servant. As the prodigal reasoned, "How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!" So thought I, "How many others can drink and get away with it." Or, "How many others can manage their lives" (see Luke 15: 17). There had to be, as the Big Book describes, "an easier, softer way."

And so I took action, like others in a previous Lukan parable, to have myself excused from "eating bread in the kingdom of God" (Luke 14:15). Many were invited to sup with the Lord, but some had new ground to care for, some had just bought new oxen (or maybe a new car), so they sought to be excused at suppertime.

And there is the crux of the matter. By surrendering to God the greatest blessings of life and eternity are to be enjoyed. But after almost 26 years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs, I'm still "a great way off," and struggle to surrender entirely (see Luke 15:20). Sometimes I'm ashamed of my feeble attempts.

But the blessings I've experienced in the attempt are beyond my ability to express. The sweet joy of the Spirit is something I never thought possible. I'm always given more than I deserve. Trying to pay back my Heavenly Father is like trying to pay back my earthly father (and mother). I just get further behind.

Like the tender mercies I feel as I study the scriptures and ponder my blessings. And like the tender mercy I received this morning with just enough sunshine to complete my Saturday walk before the rain began.

When I feel and notice I'm too weak to surrender fully and feel like Nephi to exclaim, "Notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities" (2 Nephi 4:17).  

But He keeps inviting me back to sup with Him one more time.