But I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict, still working on my Fourth Step (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.), and impatience ranks number 2 on my list of character defects, right behind selfishness, which manifests itself in impatience, since I demand everything to be on my timetable. My way or the highway, baby! And I want to read that book right now, not in the Lord's due time!
Fortunately for us, Nephi, Mormon, and others were willing to listen to the Lord and waited patiently on the Lord, unlike me. I would love to have been a fly on the wall as Mormon is sifting, selecting, editing, and abridging the records we have as the Book of Mormon. And dang, if Martin Harris wouldn't have lost those pages. I want to read the Book of Lehi and I don't want to wait. Of course I often forget that apparently the Lord was willing to forgive him, as he became one of the Three Witnesses to the Book of Mormon, and later was willing to mortgage his house and farm to secure the printing of the book. But dang, he lost those 116 pages!
Mormon chose to finish his record with the small plates and use those records which is the translation we have in our Book of Mormon. I probably would have asked, "Why, Lord?" He writes, "And I do this for a wise purpose; for thus it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will" (Words of Mormon 1: 7).
I remember a time when I got one of those "whisperings." It was August 12, 1993. I was in the Provo Temple when a whispering came with the feeling, "Go to the LDS Young Special Interest dance tomorrow night." Immediately the argument with the Spirit began. I argued back, "Why, Lord? You know how much I hate those dances." I had been to these dances back in my drinking days 12 years earlier and went for the wrong reasons. Even with the numbing effect of alcohol, I had learned to detest those awful dances. I had sworn them off for good, but a friend invited me to a Valentine's dance in 1992, so I made my brief return, only to discover that they were actually worse than I remembered. And this time without the anesthesia of alcohol.
The argument continued into the next day. It was now Friday the Thirteenth--ample reason not to go to an already-scary dance. But the prompting kept coming back. I found a flyer on my desk from the recent Young Special Interest Singles Conference. I had absolutely no interest in the conference or in changing my single status. But the conference had a jazz concert that I was very interested in. After multiple promptings, I finally called the hotline and found the location of the dance, clear out in north Orem and I was working in Payson, and that was another good reason not to go to the dance.
I'll cut to the chase here. After much protesting, I arrived at the dance. After arriving, it may have taken an hour to get up enough courage to ask a young lady to dance. She replied, "I would dance with you, but I just had foot surgery, but you can sit here and talk." I was not brave enough (or stupid enough) to voice my inner thoughts of why do you come to a dance if you can't dance. So I sat down and in a few minutes they played a fast, disco-like song, and this guy came up to her and said, "Do you want to dance?" She quickly replied, "Sure" and literally ran out on the dance floor.
I said, "That's it! I'm out of here," and made a beeline to the door. I was probably about five feet from the door, when I heard a voice behind me, "Would you like to dance?" I will cut to the chase here too. After a couple of dances, I learned her bishop had given her an assignment to go to the dances. She told me she was looking for her "royal Priesthood holder," something her patriarchal blessing said would happen "in the due time of the Lord." She is my eternal sweetheart. In two months we will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. Her "due time of the Lord" was waiting for me to get sober.
A couple of years ago I accidentally got on the wrong bus at the transit center and got off on 8th North in Orem, where I had to walk by that chapel where we had met about twenty years earlier. Some guys were playing basketball, so I walked in and stepped inside the cultural hall, where that dance was held. I stared at that door on the other side of the gym--the very door I had tried to walk out of twenty years ago. I stepped back into the foyer and offered a little prayer of immense gratitude. Oh how my life would have been so very different if she had approached even 10 seconds later. Oh what blessings I would have missed if I had exited a little quicker. Sometimes the things that affect all eternity hinge upon a few seconds!
Yesterday I decided to go to the temple. For the first time in several months, due to some scheduling conflicts, my wife and son could not go with me. I decided to go anyway, but had some errands that needed to be done. Early afternoon was approaching and it seemed the day was slipping away.
I took a bus to Provo and the route ends at the train station. So I contemplated whether I should walk the rest of the way to the Provo City Center Temple, or catch another bus to the other Provo Temple. A bus had just pulled in, so I got on my phone to see where it was going and when it would leave. It would take me to north Provo, but I would have a twenty-five minute walk to the temple. It looked like this might be the better choice since the Provo Temple has sessions every 20 minutes and we had a session of stake conference I was trying to make.
So I got on the bus with no driver and waited and waited. I was getting impatient again and rather disgusted that it was time to depart and the driver was not even on the bus. Finally, five minutes late, the driver shows up and we departed. After I got off the bus, I began walking briskly.
As I was walking up the hill to the temple, I thought I saw the familiar face of a friend walking the other way, down the hill, on the other side of the street. Could this be the friend I haven't seen in over fifteen years? We had college classes together and both of us were music freaks and liked the same progressive rock bands. He had worked in a music store and had helped me find much of my music. Those tunes still bless my life as I go on walks and ponder how good the Lord has been to me in my sobriety.
I ran across the street and he was now ahead of me so I could not see his face very well. I had to take a chance. I ran across the street and called him by name. When he turned around, sure enough, it was my long lost friend. I had had a prompting to try and contact him a few months ago. He has some health issues and I had wondered if he was still alive. I had to tell him who I was and then his face lit up. After he said, "Brad, how have you been?" he asked about a CD he had brought over for a Christmas present 17 years earlier. It was almost surreal.
We tried to catch up with 17 years of music in about 15 minutes and then exchanged email addresses. He could remember all the stuff I liked. He said, "Did you just come from the temple?" I said, "No, I'm just on my way there." We expressed how glad we both were to see each other again, and I continued to walk up that hill, all the time pouring out my heart to God for His tender mercies, and for giving me a second chance with an old relationship. And also, thanking Him for making the bus just a little late, according to His "due time," so our paths would meet at the precise time and place.
When I got inside the temple, I thought of other close encounters of the best kind, like when my wife and I met our stake president and his wife coming out of the temple as we were going in, which led to a mission call for our son, which led to me getting a better job. The session was awesome and the tears flowed freely. The Spirit taught me more about Eve and her role in the Plan of Salvation as a type of Christ, as she carried the burden of transgression alone for a time (maybe for a future post). It helped me see the special role of women as preservers of life and helpmeets (Ezer) for God, and helped me see why my wife is spiritually ahead of me.
As I prepared to exit the holy temple, I hoped the bus would arrive on time, and thought I'll probably cuss at them again next time they're late.
At the door was a temple worker thanking me for being there. Really? I thought! I've been blessed today in so many ways, and they're thanking me?
I had to smile. I stepped outside to view the scene in the photo. Yes, God smiled back. Another session, and I would have missed that too. The sunset quickly vanished into the pages of my memory.
No comments:
Post a Comment