The transition from Step Two to Step Three does not always go smoothly, and King Benjamin's treatment of the steps can help make the transition seamless. In case you're reading this one first, all Twelve Steps are clearly taught in Mosiah chapter 4.
AA Step Three: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
LDS Addiction Recovery Program Step Three: "Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ."
LDS Addiction Recovery Program key concept for Step Three: "Trust in God."
King Benjamin: "I say unto you, if ye have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long-suffering towards the children of men; and also, the atonement which has been prepared from the foundation of the world, that thereby salvation might come to him that should put his trust in the Lord, and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in the faith even unto the end of his life, I mean the life of the mortal body—" (Mosiah 4:6).
I remember my first time attending the Wednesday Night Old Timers Meeting over 27 years ago. I had not seen a single sober day in seven years. And this was my first time attending this AA meeting with a bunch of old timers. I certainly couldn't be called an "old timer." I didn't have a single day of sobriety.
The large poster with the Twelve Steps--the same one I had stopped to read on a summer morning two years earlier--had now been moved to our meeting room upstairs. God had placed it downstairs for me two years earlier, knowing I would stop to read it. I read Step Three over and over again. I thought I must have read it wrong. Wait a minute here, I signed up only to learn to manage my drinking, so what's all this stuff about giving up my will and my whole life? Then in a room full of drunks I counted the cost. Do I have to give Him my will and my life just to get sober?
I definitely had trust issues (my wife says I still do). I had already turned my life and will over to the god of alcohol, and now had admitted in Step One I was powerless over it. And what did I have to show for it? Oh, a couple of DUI's, trips to jail, threats at work, damaged relationships, low self-esteem, fear, shame, guilt, hopelessness, etc., etc. I had dedicated my life to the cause of alcoholism, and even shown up at the liquor store in advance before every Sunday and holiday for the last seven years. So I'll be darned if they think I'm going to surrender to anyone or anything! I started looking for what the Big Book calls "an easier, softer way."
So I decided to do "a half measure." I went to meetings every day for two weeks and continued to drink between meetings. July 31,1989 (my sobriety date from alcohol and drugs) rolled around and I went home from my third Monday Night Beginners Meeting filled with despair and anguish. I told myself I either needed to get out of AA, or get serious about this step and surrender myself to God. And my damaged concept of God was a Being somewhere out there in the universe waiting with vengeance for me, so He could just zap me a good one for all the terrible things I had done.
I went home that night, retired to my room, and had an hour-long battle with the enemy. Funny he should show up. He already abandoned me when I hit rock bottom. Finally, I hit my knees and poured out my soul to God. My dear daughter (an impossible concept 28 years ago) who is presently serving the Lord in the Canada Edmonton Mission, challenged me ahead of this weekend's General Conference to prepare my questions for conference. One of my questions was "How can I make my personal prayers more meaningful?" I want you to know this prayer over 27 years ago was short but powerful. It was something like, "Dear God, I'm beat. Help me!" It had real "energy of heart" (Moroni 7:48). I felt a peace I didn't understand at the time. I had done nothing to deserve it. I didn't hear a voice, but if I had, it would have said, "Don't worry, everything will be just fine."
As I listened last night to President Eyring describe an event while he was bishop when a member of his ward crashed into a bank lobby while drunk and said to the security officers, "Don't shoot. I'm a Mormon," I laughed and said to my wife and son (two more impossible concepts 28 years ago), "That sounds like something I would have done." Then I got to hear as you might have heard how President Eyring was privileged to see this man as the Savior sees him.
One of my other pre-conference questions was, "How can I deepen my discipleship?" Before the conference started yesterday morning I was out on my Saturday walk and going over these questions in my mind. When I asked this question, the Spirit quietly replied, "Trust me." No, I still didn't hear a voice, but the Spirit let me see patterns of my own thoughts and how my own thinking and behavior sometimes block the assurances of God. I've heard much yesterday and today about trusting the Lord and His timing and wisdom, including that great talk this morning by Elder Clayton.
I have to say today that the best decision I have ever made (and I have to keep making it every day) is to "let go and let God."
Enjoy conference!
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