While several of the preceding steps deal with our relationship with God, Steps Eight and Nine deal with our interactions with others. Again there is the willingness step ahead of the action step. The willingness is expressed as part of the step.
AA Step Eight: "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."
LDS Addiction Recovery Step Eight: "Make a written list of all persons you have harmed and become willing to make restitution to them."
LDS Addiction Recovery Step Eight Principle: Seeking Forgiveness
King Benjamin: "And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably, and to render to every man according to that which is his due" (Mosiah 4:13).
The effect of the steps is a changed heart. I want to emphasize that this happens for most of us very gradually over time. After King Benjamin has taught his people in depth concerning the Atonement of Jesus Christ, the plan of salvation, and quite arguably the Twelve Steps, we immediately see the result in the next chapter. The verse states, "And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (Mosiah 5:2). The people also gained an appreciation for "the infinite goodness of God" and had "great views" of the future (see Mosiah 5:3). In AA we would say the people had a new pair of glasses.
Because of this change of heart we lose the desire to cause any harm to another of God's Creation. This is in stark contrast to the selfishness that fueled addiction and the concern we had for only ourselves. In our practicing years of addiction we caused extreme damage and much "wreckage." The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous points out that the newcomer is the lifeblood of the program. We welcome newcomers and can always relate because their stories haven't changed over the years. They sound just like we did when we came into the program. I have been attending Twelve Step meetings for 27 years now and have never heard one addict come into the program and say, "I'm just living the dream. I always wanted to become an alcoholic. Couldn't be better." No, they relate stories of broken marriages, broken homes, broken relationships, lost jobs, jail, etc. etc. This is good for us old-timers to hear, because if I'm ever tempted to go back out and give it one more try, I am reminded that it still isn't any better out there. There's an old AA adage that says, "Alcoholics don't have relationships, they just take hostages." How true!
Now in Steps Eight and Nine we get to attempt to seek forgiveness and clean up our "wreckage of the past." As King Benjamin taught, we will not have a "mind to injure" and so we begin to make a list of those we have harmed and make peace with those we injured in the past.
As we do this we become overwhelmed at the thought of making restitution, which in many cases is not even possible. How will I find all these people? What if they reject my attempt to be reconciled? And how can I fix the damage already done? The answer to all these questions is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We really can't heal, and often we really can't restore something we have taken away (like someone's virtue). But the Savior can.
These steps are ongoing. Maybe they're eternal. My list has grown over the years, so it's likely to have additions in the future. And I was, and am still, so naive about working these steps. I thought once I made the list and made amends I would be done, but sadly this is not the case since I continue to injure others in sobriety, sometimes unintentionally. Like King Benjamin teaches, it's the attitude that's important. We won't "have a mind to injure" others even though injuries happen.
I will give one personal example. Many years into recovery I rode the bus with many of the students and faculty of BYU. They would always get off the bus on campus. Many of the people I talked to were BYU professors. One day I asked a particular man what he did on campus, expecting him to be a professor of something. He informed me that he worked in the Honor Code office. I remembered that BYU had an honor code involving dress and grooming standards and standards of behavior regarding moral conduct and the Word of Wisdom. As I thought about this, I realized I had violated the Honor Code almost every day as a student, due to my drinking.
The Spirit just kept eating away at me and reminding me every time I saw him how I had basically lied to the university and broken my promise. They were still good enough to give me a diploma. These steps are not always easy. I finally added the institution of Brigham Young University to my Step Eight list.
I will tell you the outcome of this experience next week in Step Nine. Some of my Twelve Step buddies know how much I love Step Nine (ha ha--NOT).
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