The God Hole

Fairly early in recovery during AA meetings I was exposed to the term "God hole." It seemed a rather odd-sounding phrase, but as time went on I learned the value of this concept.

Other addicts explained somewhat about the "God hole" being that empty place inside the center of my soul which I tried to fill up with alcohol, drugs, and other things. It was only later in recovery that I could see how this emptiness drove my addiction. As I drew closer to God I could see that only He could fill this hole in the middle of my soul.

Later on, I would become interested in scriptural accounts and I began to see this idea portrayed in holy writ.

Isaiah clearly saw our day with many in the world overcome with addictions, like me, and driven with "vain imagination" (see 1 Nephi 12: 18). There is a chapter in the Book of Mormon that expands upon the Biblical account with further clarification. The chapter begins with the time setting, as Isaiah explains he is looking into "the last days." The conditions are set forth as a time when all the lands of the earth will be "drunken with iniquity and all manner of abominations."

I only got drunk once, but it lasted about seventeen years. In an LDS Twelve Step meeting I once heard a friend share about a food addiction. She would binge on food and call it "getting drunk." She had never consumed alcohol, or had black outs. She had never gone to jail because of her addiction, yet she seemed to feel as though her life was as out of control as mine was.

The Isaiah commentary continues: "And when that day shall come they shall be visited of the Lord of Hosts, with thunder and with earthquake, and with a great noise, and with storm, and with tempest, and with the flame of devouring fire."

It seems we can hardly turn on the news without seeing some of the natural disasters, like earthquakes and tsunamis. The storms of life can be turbulent at times. But I think Isaiah is speaking of addictive tendencies when he speaks of "the flame of a devouring fire." Alcohol basically devoured everything in my life. I remember President Monson speaking about his youth and playing with matches at Vivian Park, when the flames spread out of control. In my mind I likened this to my own history of addiction, as the addiction spread and seemed to burn up everything with a scorching heat. At my next Twelve Step meeting I heard four other addicts relate this story and how it compared to their own addictions.

And then Isaiah gets to the good part (or rather, the scary part):

"And all the nations that fight against Zion, and that distress her, shall be as a dream of a night vision; yea, it shall be unto them, even as unto a hungry man which dreameth, and behold he eateth but he awaketh and his soul is empty; or like unto a thirsty man which dreameth, and behold he drinketh but he awaketh and behold he is faint, and his soul hath appetite; yea, even so shall the multitude of all the nations be that fight against Mount Zion" (see 2 Nephi 27: 1-3).

That's the God hole. For those of us somewhat rebellious in nature, who want to fight against the establishment, the dreamer takes over, and we become enraptured in vain imagination. We try to recapture the early euphoria and chase the ultimate high. As the vain imagination was embellished, I drank more and more, but never got filled up. Ironically, as I consumed more and more, like the Prodigal Son, I "began to be in want." The scriptural account expresses it perfectly: "And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him" (Luke 15: 14,16). Just fill me up with something. Anything!

Then came the miracle of recovery! I began to find those things that would fill my soul--like prayer, peace, the scriptures, the Spirit, and the light and love of God. I read about the fruit of the Tree of Life which Lehi describes as "most sweet." He said, "And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit" (1 Nephi 8: 11-12).

I learned that when the Savior visited the inhabitants of the Americas, He instituted the sacrament. 

"And when the multitude had eaten and were filled, he said unto the disciples: Behold there shall one be ordained among you, and to him will I give power that he shall break bread and bless it and give it unto the people of my church, unto all those who shall believe and be baptized in my name" (3 Nephi 18: 5).

The sacrament fills me up. I can be filled with the Spirit.

It is interesting that in the context of "the God hole," as described by Isaiah, the very answer is given within the chapter. The solution is the coming forth of the Book of Mormon--something else which fills me up.

Then the Lord says this,

"For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith" (2 Nephi 27: 23).